“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”
I’m turning 30 in one month AND I feel like 12 years old.
I don’t want any responsibilities, I want to play games, I want to dance, I want to meet new friends, I want to live in a huge apartment with many roommates. I want to wake up and eat my coco puffs, wear a short dress with my brand new Converse and pack my lunch box. I want to skateboard to school and sit at the 3rd row in class just next to this crazy cool black girl with braces and the best hairstyle ever! I want to watch BET pretending I’m like those awesome hip-hop dancers looking at myself shaking my ass in front of the mirror. I want to shout and scream while riding my bike in the neighborhood. I want to have to ask permission to my parents to go sleepover at Laura’s place next Saturday.
I want to be able to look at a guy and fall madly in love in 2 seconds during my tennis class. Dreaming of him everyday after that powerful awakening moment. I want to be able to feel the innocence, the newness of this exquisite emotion. I want to draw the lines of his face in my mind every night before falling asleep — over and over again. I want to listen to Mariah Carey “My All” picturing us dancing, hugging and kissing like in the movies.
Never having been kissed, never having fallen truly for anyone yet. A true virgin love experiment. I have this dream tonight, this vivid dream of living this intense, magical, extraordinary moment for the first time again!
I want to stop being so complicated, so picky, so silly and so damn superficial! I want to accept Love can be won again and finding it isn’t like shopping.
I wish our Society was different and we wouldn’t have all these opportunities and ideals. Letting go of any judgments, any reasoning and just feeling and acting freely again. 100% innocence, simplicity & purity for a rush of adrenaline to feel my heart beating again …