“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”
I’m turning 30 in one month AND I feel like 12 years old.
I don’t want any responsibilities, I want to play games, I want to dance, I want to meet new friends, I want to live in a huge apartment with many roommates. I want to wake up and eat my coco puffs, wear a short dress with my brand new Converse and pack my lunch box. I want to skateboard to school and sit at the 3rd row in class just next to this crazy cool black girl with braces and the best hairstyle ever! I want to watch BET pretending I’m like those awesome hip-hop dancers looking at myself shaking my ass in front of the mirror. I want to shout and scream while riding my bike in the neighborhood. I want to have to ask permission to my parents to go sleepover at Laura’s place next Saturday.
I want to be able to look at a guy and fall madly in love in 2 seconds during my tennis class. Dreaming of him everyday after that powerful awakening moment. I want to be able to feel the innocence, the newness of this exquisite emotion. I want to draw the lines of his face in my mind every night before falling asleep — over and over again. I want to listen to Mariah Carey “My All” picturing us dancing, hugging and kissing like in the movies.
Never having been kissed, never having fallen truly for anyone yet. A true virgin love experiment. I have this dream tonight, this vivid dream of living this intense, magical, extraordinary moment for the first time again!
I want to stop being so complicated, so picky, so silly and so damn superficial! I want to accept Love can be won again and finding it isn’t like shopping.
I wish our Society was different and we wouldn’t have all these opportunities and ideals. Letting go of any judgments, any reasoning and just feeling and acting freely again. 100% innocence, simplicity & purity for a rush of adrenaline to feel my heart beating again …
The Book of Love
Remembering ONCE you were loved is beautiful.
Remembering ONCE you were loved and you loved in return is extraordinary.
These are memories living vividly in my brain and in my heart … Currently, I cannot grasp theses feelings, as I haven’t met someone whom I would fall in love with. I stronly believe after a few experiences and maturity, we KNOW.
I KNOW when there is a possibility I could fall in love with someone … Lately, each time I hold a slight chance, each time I encounter a man whom I’m attracted to energetically and physically, each time my heart starts beating for an individual (which is fairly rare), it just fades away.
Fades without even trying until we could reach a “.” or an “…” For the story to be a called a STORY there needs to be at least a paragraph. Currently, I’m only living the first sentence and it disappears, as if we were too shy or too busy to write a little bit more.
Maybe it’s just way more beautiful to read a powerful sentence. Maybe going straight to the point is easier and less confusing. Maybe we are too focused on not getting hurt, too egocentric to start sharing, too cold to create lovely metaphors, too obsessed to become poetic…maybe we are just not able to love anymore. Is it possible? Have we found the cure to Love ONCE and for all?
Erasing the past chapters isn’t the solution, reading a few of them from time to time can be very useful to write something even more inspiring. You need to focus on the essential as well as the small details to create a piece of art, true poetry in prose. You need to proofread along the way what the other is writing, you need to let go of your own style and manage to create a harmonious rhythm. You need to follow your heart and let yourself complete a sentence, even if it’s a short one, don’t be frightened about what will follow; maybe you will get a writer’s block, maybe you will continue writing short sentences and this will become your unique magnificent style.
You only need a pen and a piece of paper to start writing a sentence … you need two souls to complete a deep paragraph … you need two souls ready-to-love to imagine the chapters, describe the narrator, discuss the plot … and you need two souls in love to write a BOOK: THE BOOK OF LOVE.
Street Art love for everyone
OkCupid’s best first date questions
Hello to all,
I’m sorry if I haven’t been posting everyday lately. As a matter of fact, I’m very busy putting together, writing, re-writing, proofreading, tearing apart, readjusting, overanalyzing, changing the material of my future book on love and digital. It’s tough when as a writer you can ONLY write in Moleskines (handwritten), what a waste of time! Anyway, I hope you are well and that you enjoyed your Valentines’ Day (if you celebrated it). Many of us find it an excuse to ask out someone they like and I hope you had the best of luck.
Speaking of which, this is a 2011 Article from okTrends (at OkCupid). It’s a bit witty and doesn’t teach us a whole lot but it’s always fun to read:
Enjoy and remember to always stay yourself no matter what during a first date (that’s the most important in the end)
A world with no smartphones?
This brilliant photograph was taken by Eric Pickersgill
It inspired me for its poignancy. How much time are we sacrificing online while we could be interacting with real human beings next to us?
While studying the sociological behaviors of singles and individuals in relationships (or married), I have noticed something interesting. When one feels rejected or misunderstood after a heavy conversation or even a fight for instance, the Smartphone becomes the indestructible shield to vulnerability and therefore dialogue.
As a matter of fact, the attitude of hiding behind your Smartphone to avoid any confrontation appears way more after the early stages of dating. It’s easier to entertain ourselves with games, Facebook feeds, Instragram’s vivid images than to confront the present moment and deal with something that may annoys us. When we feel disrespected or rejected, we need reassurance right? Jackpot! Your Smartphone is the Eldorado of instant-ego-boost.
I usually develop this particular point with my clients during my life/love coaching sessions. How we could build more awareness of our digital usage. How our psychology has evolved through the spectrum of the digital. It is very important in my opinion to introspect and try to understand the differences: The “before” and “after” Smartphones. How you would find someone in a city you didn’t know, how you would cope with loneliness while waiting for the bus. All these little things yet, so important can make us more aware and help us create a healthy real vs. digital lifestyle.
Wishing love to all.
Which Valentine are you?
Valentines Day is around the block and you may found yourself in these following categories:
- The long-term solitary individual – Yes, it’s been more than 2 years and you are craving a relationship, a hug or any sign of affection by another human being or even a cat. With resentment and jealousy of happy couples, feeling it will never happen to you (ever). You get shivers when bumping into lovers kissing on the streets or holding hands at the movies.
- The happy single – Valentines Day will not have any affect on you. You will pursue that pretty cool normal routine of yours. Who knows you may actually meet someone without looking before the 14th of February. What would happen then? A cool surprise in your happy life …
- The person “in a healthy relationship” – You are happy to celebrate and advertize your love on any occasion and especially on that incredible day with all the other lovers worldwide.
- The person “in a healthy relationship” – You don’t need or want to celebrate this commercial day and always say, “it should be Valentines Day everyday, all year round”.
- The person “in an unhealthy relationship” – you are forced to celebrate and you just need to buy an expensive gift to your partner trying to convince yourself (as well as the other person in the relationship simultaneously) it’s still working, it could (finally) work or this is the way it’s supposed to be (living unhappily and frustrated for the rest of your life)
- The person “in an unhealthy relationship” – you have decided to stop celebrating as you quit believing in the existence of Love. You are angry about life, love and at your partner. You are also very angry at yourself deep down (without knowing it maybe or certainly) for staying so long in this disastrous unhealthy relationship, wasting your energy to try to make it work when it’s been doomed for a long time (or was already doomed at the beginning).
Alright alright, who are you then? Did you recognize yourself (I mean your true self) not the one you are showing others on Facebook?
If your pick is 1, 5 or 6, Valentines Day should be an introspecting period. Celebrate this day as a new day and try to say: “I love you” to yourself before trying to put it out there in the universe. After you have mastered this important task, repeat it to yourself, write it down in a journal, on a post-it at your office “I LOVE YOU” in capital letters. There is nothing more attractive and healthy than truly loving yourself. Who cares what society thinks and all these debates on egocentrism and narcissism. I’m not telling you to live for yourself and to keep everything to yourself. I’m giving you the option to take a fresh start and become your first and own lover so that you can find your second lover: someone who also said, “I love you” to him/herself before meeting you.
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable. – C.S Lewis
Facebook or the relationship barometer
Hello my dear lovers, oxytocin seekers, singles and all the others, I always had a theory on the act of posting (too much) on social media and its correlation with the health of your relationship (couples selfies, lovy doby status updates …) Turns out after digging more into this particular trend, I realized I was (almost) right. What an intuition right? Basically, it boils down to this: The less you hear (or see) about a relationship on, the better it’s going.
1- Publicly showing their engagement with way too many exchanges (a day):
It seems sharing pictures, articles or over-commenting on each other’s timeline, is a way to say to the world “he/she is mine”. It can be very healthy if done sporadically, yet it becomes over-bearing when excessive. This is usually a sign of a lack of trust and dialogue in the relationship’s intimacy (which should be a cherished place where you exchange and communicate the most).
2- Posting incredibly perfect pictures of them (taking the picture over and over or using the best filter)
You can easily sense if their smiles are fake, if a particular pose has been chosen in order for them to look their best (hollywood couple type photo). This often means, they (or one of them) need to tell the world how perfect they are. To set a feeling of envy by over-sharing this façade dream. I guess a true, genuine relationship should always speak for itself. I’m not saying they cannot post pictures of them hugging in front of the Eiffel Tower, kissing in front of a beautiful Bali sunset or just chilling at home, it’s just how it appears at the end. It’s sadly so obvious…
N.B. : let’s also point out for these hypothesis, it could be a narcissistic behavior, obsessing about one’s image even while being single
Trust me on one unique thing: when you are truly happy in a couple, when you have no doubts, you feel serene almost everyday, then other people will come and tell you how awesome you look, how happy they are for you. A positive energy is contagious, therefore they will want to spend time with you both. That’s a healthy sign!
And let’s face it, the more time you spend on Facebook, the less you spend with the other.
How to Love?
During my quest for Love, I’ve traveled in different places in the world to study how people would LOVE. I interviewed singles, couples, therapists and data scientists to understand more about the impact of digital on our love relationships and seduction. I compared “real” encounters to “virtual” serendipity. Throughout this long journey, I have read a lot of literature on Love.
Some very serious books written by psychologists and other lighter ones, such as this book I want to share with you. It is a very easy-read, yet very inspiring. You can take it with you on the bus, subway or anywhere… I found it on a shelf near the window of the bedroom I was renting on AirBnB. I was immediately attracted to its cover and title. Surprisingly good as it is written by a Zen Master. I’ve been gifting it to my close friends since.