The Book of Love

Remembering ONCE you were loved is beautiful.

Remembering ONCE you were loved and you loved in return is extraordinary.

love draw

These are memories living vividly in my brain and in my heart … Currently, I cannot grasp theses feelings, as I haven’t met someone whom I would fall in love with. I stronly believe after a few experiences and maturity, we KNOW.

I KNOW when there is a possibility I could fall in love with someone … Lately, each time I hold a slight chance, each time I encounter a man whom I’m attracted to energetically and physically, each time my heart starts beating for an individual (which is fairly rare), it just fades away.

Fades without even trying until we could reach a “.” or an “…” For the story to be a called a STORY there needs to be at least a paragraph. Currently, I’m only living the first sentence and it disappears, as if we were too shy or too busy to write a little bit more.

Maybe it’s just way more beautiful to read a powerful sentence. Maybe going straight to the point is easier and less confusing. Maybe we are too focused on not getting hurt, too egocentric to start sharing, too cold to create lovely metaphors, too obsessed to become poetic…maybe we are just not able to love anymore. Is it possible? Have we found the cure to Love ONCE and for all?

Erasing the past chapters isn’t the solution, reading a few of them from time to time can be very useful to write something even more inspiring. You need to focus on the essential as well as the small details to create a piece of art, true poetry in prose. You need to proofread along the way what the other is writing, you need to let go of your own style and manage to create a harmonious rhythm. You need to follow your heart and let yourself complete a sentence, even if it’s a short one, don’t be frightened about what will follow; maybe you will get a writer’s block, maybe you will continue writing short sentences and this will become your unique magnificent style.

You only need a pen and a piece of paper to start writing a sentence … you need two souls to complete a deep paragraph … you need two souls ready-to-love to imagine the chapters, describe the narrator, discuss the plot … and you need two souls in love to write a BOOK: THE BOOK OF LOVE.

The Book of Love

A world with no smartphones?

ric Pickersgill,love,digital,idatayou
Removing the devices … what’s left? credits Eric Pickersgill

 

This brilliant photograph was taken by Eric Pickersgill 

It inspired me for its poignancy.  How much time are we sacrificing online while we could be interacting with real human beings next to us? 

While studying the sociological behaviors of singles and individuals in relationships (or married), I have noticed something interesting. When one feels rejected or misunderstood  after a heavy conversation or even a fight for instance, the Smartphone becomes the indestructible shield to vulnerability and therefore dialogue.

As a matter of fact, the attitude of hiding behind your Smartphone to avoid any confrontation appears way more after the early stages of dating. It’s easier to entertain ourselves with games, Facebook feeds, Instragram’s  vivid images than to confront the present moment and deal with something that may annoys us. When we feel disrespected or rejected, we need reassurance right? Jackpot! Your Smartphone is the Eldorado of instant-ego-boost. 

I usually develop this particular point with my clients during my life/love coaching sessions. How we could build more awareness of our digital usage. How our psychology has evolved through the spectrum of the digital. It is very important in my opinion to introspect and try to understand the differences: The “before” and “after” Smartphones. How you would find someone in a city you didn’t know, how you would cope with loneliness while waiting for the bus. All these little things yet, so important can make us more aware and help us create a healthy real vs. digital lifestyle. 

Wishing love to all.

Good night

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Which Valentine are you?

Valentines Day is around the block and you may found yourself in these following categories:

 

  • The long-term solitary individual – Yes, it’s been more than 2 years and you are craving a relationship, a hug or any sign of affection by another human being or even a cat. With resentment and jealousy of happy couples, feeling it will never happen to you (ever). You get shivers when bumping into lovers kissing on the streets or holding hands at the movies.

 

  • The happy single – Valentines Day will not have any affect on you. You will pursue that pretty cool normal routine of yours. Who knows you may actually meet someone without looking before the 14th of February. What would happen then? A cool surprise in your happy life …

 

  • The person “in a healthy relationship” – You are happy to celebrate and advertize your love on any occasion and especially on that incredible day with all the other lovers worldwide.

 

  • The person “in a healthy relationship” – You don’t need or want to celebrate this commercial day and always say, “it should be Valentines Day everyday, all year round”.

 

  • The person “in an unhealthy relationship” – you are forced to celebrate and you just need to buy an expensive gift to your partner trying to convince yourself (as well as the other person in the relationship simultaneously) it’s still working, it could (finally) work or this is the way it’s supposed to be (living unhappily and frustrated for the rest of your life)

 

  • The person “in an unhealthy relationship” – you have decided to stop celebrating as you quit believing in the existence of Love. You are angry about life, love and at your partner. You are also very angry at yourself deep down (without knowing it maybe or certainly) for staying so long in this disastrous unhealthy relationship, wasting your energy to try to make it work when it’s been doomed for a long time (or was already doomed at the beginning).

 

Alright alright, who are you then? Did you recognize yourself (I mean your true self) not the one you are showing others on Facebook?

 

If your pick is 1, 5 or 6, Valentines Day should be an introspecting period. Celebrate this day as a new day and try to say: “I love you” to yourself before trying to put it out there in the universe. After you have mastered this important task, repeat it to yourself, write it down in a journal, on a post-it at your office “I LOVE YOU” in capital letters. There is nothing more attractive and healthy than truly loving yourself. Who cares what society thinks and all these debates on egocentrism and narcissism. I’m not telling you to live for yourself and to keep everything to yourself. I’m giving you the option to take a fresh start and become your first and own lover so that you can find your second lover: someone who also said, “I love you” to him/herself before meeting you.

 

 

Which Valentine are you?

How to Love?

During my quest for Love, I’ve traveled in different places in the world to study how people would LOVE. I interviewed singles, couples, therapists and data scientists to understand more about the impact of digital on our love relationships and seduction. I compared “real” encounters to “virtual” serendipity. Throughout this long journey, I have read a lot of literature on Love.

how to love, book, idatayou,zenSome very serious books written by psychologists and other lighter ones, such as this book I want to share with you. It is a very easy-read, yet very inspiring. You can take it with you on the bus, subway or anywhere… I found it on a shelf near the window of the bedroom I was renting on AirBnB. I was immediately attracted to its cover and title. Surprisingly good as it is written by a Zen Master. I’ve been gifting it to my close friends since.

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love,idatayou,book,love coach,date,zen,dating

 

 

How to Love?