I’m turning 30 in one month AND I feel like 12 years old.
I don’t want any responsibilities, I want to play games, I want to dance, I want to meet new friends, I want to live in a huge apartment with many roommates. I want to wake up and eat my coco puffs, wear a short dress with my brand new Converse and pack my lunch box. I want to skateboard to school and sit at the 3rd row in class just next to this crazy cool black girl with braces and the best hairstyle ever! I want to watch BET pretending I’m like those awesome hip-hop dancers looking at myself shaking my ass in front of the mirror. I want to shout and scream while riding my bike in the neighborhood. I want to have to ask permission to my parents to go sleepover at Laura’s place next Saturday.
I want to be able to look at a guy and fall madly in love in 2 seconds during my tennis class. Dreaming of him everyday after that powerful awakening moment. I want to be able to feel the innocence, the newness of this exquisite emotion. I want to draw the lines of his face in my mind every night before falling asleep — over and over again. I want to listen to Mariah Carey “My All” picturing us dancing, hugging and kissing like in the movies.
Never having been kissed, never having fallen truly for anyone yet. A true virgin love experiment. I have this dream tonight, this vivid dream of living this intense, magical, extraordinary moment for the first time again!
I want to stop being so complicated, so picky, so silly and so damn superficial! I want to accept Love can be won again and finding it isn’t like shopping.
I wish our Society was different and we wouldn’t have all these opportunities and ideals. Letting go of any judgments, any reasoning and just feeling and acting freely again. 100% innocence, simplicity & purity for a rush of adrenaline to feel my heart beating again …