Vulnerability

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable. – C.S Lewis

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Facebook or the relationship barometer

Hello my dear lovers, oxytocin seekers, singles and all the others, I always had a theory on the act of posting (too much) on social media and its correlation with the health of your relationship (couples selfies, lovy doby status updates …) Turns out after digging more into this particular trend, I realized I was (almost) right. What an intuition right? Basically, it boils down to this: The less you hear (or see) about a relationship on, the better it’s going. 

 

1- Publicly showing their engagement with way too many exchanges (a day):

It seems sharing pictures, articles or over-commenting on each other’s timeline, is a way to say to the world “he/she is mine”. It can be very healthy if done sporadically, yet it becomes over-bearing when excessive. This is usually a sign of a lack of trust and dialogue in the relationship’s intimacy (which should be a cherished place where you exchange and communicate the most).

 

always love,need you,couple,idatayou

2- Posting incredibly perfect pictures of them (taking the picture over and over or using the best filter)

You can easily sense if their smiles are fake, if a particular pose has been chosen in order for them to look their best (hollywood couple type photo). This often means, they (or one of them) need to tell the world how perfect they are. To set a feeling of envy by over-sharing this façade dream. I guess a true, genuine relationship should always speak for itself. I’m not saying they cannot post pictures of them hugging in front of the Eiffel Tower, kissing in front of a beautiful Bali sunset or just chilling at home, it’s just how it appears at the end. It’s sadly so obvious…

N.B. : let’s also point out for these hypothesis, it could be a narcissistic behavior, obsessing about one’s image even while being single

Trust me on one unique thing: when you are truly happy in a couple, when you have no doubts, you feel serene almost everyday, then other people will come and tell you how awesome you look, how happy they are for you. A positive energy is contagious, therefore they will want to spend time with you both. That’s a healthy sign!

And let’s face it, the more time you spend on Facebook, the less you spend with the other.

 

 

Facebook or the relationship barometer

How to Love?

During my quest for Love, I’ve traveled in different places in the world to study how people would LOVE. I interviewed singles, couples, therapists and data scientists to understand more about the impact of digital on our love relationships and seduction. I compared “real” encounters to “virtual” serendipity. Throughout this long journey, I have read a lot of literature on Love.

how to love, book, idatayou,zenSome very serious books written by psychologists and other lighter ones, such as this book I want to share with you. It is a very easy-read, yet very inspiring. You can take it with you on the bus, subway or anywhere… I found it on a shelf near the window of the bedroom I was renting on AirBnB. I was immediately attracted to its cover and title. Surprisingly good as it is written by a Zen Master. I’ve been gifting it to my close friends since.

love,compassion,idatayou,book,zen,coach,,date

 

love,idatayou,book,love coach,date,zen,dating

 

 

How to Love?

2016 resolution: from virtual romance to real romance?

I chose to share this Ted Talk to emphasize on the fact that we are still in the early stages of digital. We are discovering, testing, implementing. Digital makes us feel less lonely and is capable of boosting our egos in a split second. We are never cut off during a conversation and everyone is listening to us (rather being on Facebook or Quora).

Yet, we have never felt so lonely … Meditate

Happy New Year, wishing you a healthier digital life.

 

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In a relationship and still on Tinder?

 

 

tinder, idatayou,dating,sex,love,internet

It strikes me how many more men used Tinder in 2015 compared to women (twice more).

But the most interesting element throughout my study has been the proportion of “in a relationship” users. I interviewed a few of them: why are you on this dating app? What will you do if you see your boyfriend/girlfriend on Tinder (how awesome would that be honestly?), what if you “pseudo-fall in love” on the app? 

I develop this point in a chapter of my book and I truly was thrilled to investigate on this particular subject.

A more detailed post on the psychology of this “quasi-cheating” behavior coming soon.

 

 

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